Update 39 The state of mind of both after the rape
Uss raat ko Shanaya ne bahot sone ki koshish ki magar nahin so paa rahi thi. Udhar Samir ka wohi haal tha, uss ko thoda ghussa bhi aya ke Shanaya ne phone nahin uthaaya, magar pachtawa usski feelings ko uss raat bahot ziada dominate kar raha tha. Ussko Shanaya ko fir dekhne ki aur usski awaaz sunne ka mann kar raha tha, usske saath rehne ka mann kar raha tha…. Ajeeb si feelings ho rahe the, thoda darr aur thodi dard bhi ho raha tha ussko, soch raha tha ke Shanaya kia so gayi hogi aur keise ghar mein sab kuch sambhala hoga Shanaya ne…..
Raat 3 baje Shanaya karwat badal rahi thi har waqt aur unn lamhon ko yaad karke bahot ro rahi thi har waqt jisss waqt woh chilla kar ussko jaane dene ki biinati kar rahi thi Samir se… apne upar hue balaatkaar ko sochna hi nahin chahti thi, magar keise rok sakti thi apne mann ko jo baar baar ussi drisht ko usske saamne dikha rahi thi…… usska billatna, rona, gidgidana, yehi sab uss ke kaanon mein goonjh rahi thi raat bhar aur khud sehen kiye jaa rahi thi sab kuch…..
Aur Samir khud ko bahot koss raha tha ke woh ladki kitna gidgida rahi thi, kitne minatein kar rahi thi ke ussko jaane de, aur Samir ne kyun usske saath weisa kiya khud ko samaajh nahin paa raha tha Samir…. Jab jab Samir usski Virginity ko sochta usska mann dehek jata aur khud ko baduaein deta Samir ke ussne ek masoom ladki ki izat looti aur ussko barbaad kar diya….. Samir usski rote hue awaaz ki goonjh sun raha tha aur khud zoron se rone laga apne aap ko koste hue;
“Main ne eisa kyun kiya, main eisa keise kar sakta hoon!! Kaun sa shaitaan bus gaya tha mujh mein, ab main keise usski virginity ko lauta paunga, ab main kia karun, uss se maafi mangna bahot kum hai kia karun main!!! Aur woh mujhe maaf bhi nahin karegi kabhi… gar ussko pata chala ke main samaajh ka rakshak hoon, aur mujhe usski rakhsha karni chahiye thi ulta main ne ussko loota to woh kia sochegi….. kitni achchi hai woh ke mujhko vachan diya ke kabhi kissi ko kuch nahin bataegi….. hazaaron mein ek hai woh ladki aur main ne eisi ladki ki izat looti laanat hai mujhpar!! Main eisa darinda keise ban gaya!! Hey Bhagwaan mujhko maaf karo, mujhko sazaa do main kia karun mujhko raasta dikhao….”
Shanaya ke enkhon ke saamne baar baar uss naqabposh aadmi ka chehra nazar ata tha, magar har baar usske enkhen ziada dikhta tha….. Shanaya har baar sochti ke uss ne unn enkhon ko kahin dekha hai, kab dekha hai, kahan dekha hai samajh mein nahin ati thi… raat bhar yaad karne ki koshish karti rahi ke kiskki enkhen weise hein jeise uss balaatkaari ke the magar Shanaya nahin yaad kar paayi….aur Shanaya ko eisa laga firse ke usska unn enkhon se koyi rishta jeisa hai magar keise?? Kyun? Kaun hai woh aadmi, keise aur kab usska chehra dekhungi…. Shanaya khud se sawaal kar rahi thi aur khud ko yeh jawaab bhi diye ussne…. “Nahin nahin mujhe uss se nahin milna usske chehre ko dekhne ke liye ab…. Main ussko zindagi mein kabhi nahin dekhna passand karungi, woh chaahe koyi bhi ho hai to ek darinda, ek gunda….. aur mujhko kissi gunde se kyun milna bhala….. mujhko uss ne ek eisa dard diya jo marte dum tak nahin mitegi, iss nafrat ko main paalungi, iss nafrat ko kabhi nahin mitne dungi main, mera dushman hai woh…..”
Shanaya fir sone ki koshish karne lagi magar har baar sirf woh naqaab wala aadmi usske enkhon ke saamne ajata tha…… aur iss baar Shanaya ne Samir ki zindagi mein guzre dukhon ko socha, aur rone lagi yeh sochke ke ussne kitne dukh jhele hein, kia beeta hoga uss par jab ussne apni patni ko ek ghair mard ke saath dekha tha apne bistar par? Keisi aurat thi woh kyun dhoka diya apne pati ko!!?” Ab samir ke bare mein sochkar Shanaya ro rahi thi apne bare mein nahin….. Woh soch rahi thi kitna zor se chilla kar Samir roya tha jab woh bayaan kar raha tha ghusse mein ke usski patni ne kissi aur mard ke saath talukaat rakhe the…. Uss drisht ko soch kar Shanaya ziada royi……. Aur karib subha 4 baje Shanaya ke peth mein bahot dard hone laga… sehen nahin ho rahi thi ussko woh dard…. Dard uss hisse mein ho raha tha jahan Samir ne andar penetrate kiya tha, ek jalan si bhi ho rahi thi… apna peth dabba kar Shanaaya sone ki koshish kar rahi thi magar dard saha nahin jaa raha tha, rone lagi uss dard ko sehte aur uth kar kuch dard wali goli dhundi pine ko…pee liya fir bhi dard jaari tha….. Shanaya sochne lagi kia pehli baar sex karne se weisa dard hota hai kia sabhi ladkiyon ko? kiss se poochein woh? Ghar mein to kissi se bhi nahin pooch sakti thi keise pata chalega….. jab uthi to thik se chal bhi nahin paa rahi thi….kyun achaanak dard hone laga wahan….. keise bhi karke Shanaya ne computer on kiya aur internet par medical site dhunde aur first time sex ki side effects ko dhundte hue ek page mila jahan gyenecologist ne kissi ko reply kiya tha eisi hi dard ke maamlon mein- aur han dusre pages mein bhi jawaab mile ke han kuch ladkiyon ko ghanton baad bahot dard hota hai pehli penetration ke baad….. aur usska koyi ilaaj nahin hota woh apne aap ruk jaata hai… Shanaya ko tab tassali hui, varna woh bahot ghabra gayi thi ke kahin hospital ya doctor ke paas agar jaana para to gharwalon ko sab pata chal jaega…..
Samir raat bhar Shanaaya ka phone try karta raha halaan ke ussko maloon ho gaya tha ke swith off hai firbhi woh phone kiye jaa raha tha yeh soch kar ke ab ussne switch on kiya hoga…. Har baar maayuss ho jaata fir bhi subha 4 baje tak phone karta raha har 10/15 mins ke baad…….. udhar Jab Shanaya ne computer par internet ke pages check kar liya to apne mobile ko on kiya aur jeise on hua bajne lagi silent mode par hi aur Shanaaya ne dekha wohi unknown number aur ussko pata tha ke wohi naqaabposh hai…… Shanaya ne phone nahin uthaaya magar sochne lagi ke kia woh bhi nahin soya raat bhar? Kia woh bhi eise hi raat guzaar raha hai bina soye……
Ab udhar jab Samir ko pata chala ke Shanaaya ne mobile on kar diya hai to phone karta gaya ek ke baad ek call karta gaya aur 4.30 ko Shanaya ne phone uthaya….. Samir ko bahot chain aur sukoon mila jab Shanaya ne phone uthaya to….. magar Shanaya ne kuch nahin bola, na hello na hi kuch nahin bus sun rahi thi ….. aur Samir akela bolta gaya aur rone laga maafi mangte hue aur Shanaya bhi rone lagi samir ko rote hue sunkar….. Samir usski awaaz sunna chahta tha aur rone ki awaaz sunaayi diya….. Samir ne apne ensoo ponchte hue kaha ; “Kia hua ab tum kyun ro rahi ho? Bolo?”
Shanaya ne kuch nahin bola aur sisakte hue apne ensoowon ko ponch rahi thi aur beehte naak ko bhi…. Samir ne tab kaha
“Mujhe tumhari awaaz bahot passand hai, raat bhar tumhari awaaz goojti rahi mere kaanon mein kuch to bolo nah please…. Yeh to batao ke ghar mein kissi ko koyi shak to nahin hua nah tum par? Keise manage kiya tumne? Kuch to bolo please…. Main abhi tak soya nahin hoon, neendh hi nahin aarahi hai, dil mein bahot dard ho raha hai, bahot hi pachta raha hoon, tum mujhko koyi sazaa do…agar chaaho to main khud police mein jaakar bata deta hoon ke main ne tumhara rape kiya haai aur tab mujhko kum se kum kuch sazaa to milegi, shaayad tab tumko thodi araam milegi agar mujhko 7/10 saal ka jail ho jaega….kia kehti ho jaun ke nahin??!!” Aur Samir fir rone laga yeh sab kehkar…… Shanaya bhi ro rahi thi aur ensoo ponchte hue kaha,
“Tumne jo kiya mere saath woh kaafi nahin hai jo police ko batana chahte ho, tab police mujhse pooch taaj karne aega aur dunya bhar ke logon ko pata chal jaega yeh karna chahte ho ab mere saath?”
Samir ko usski awaaz sunkar ek sukoon mila aur bola,
“Kitni thandak pohnchi mere dilko tumhari awaaz sunkar main bayaan nahin kar sakta…. Tumhari awaaz mein kuch khaas hai jo mere dil ke taron ko chuh jaata hai…tum kia ho? Farishta ho? Pari ho? Aasmaan se aayi koyi apsara ho kia? aur main ne tumhare saath eisa sulook kiya dhitkaar hai mujhpar…. Mujhe marr jaana chahiye…han !! han main apne aap ko maar deta hoon yehi sazaa hai meri….!!” Yeh kehte Samir rone lagaaaaa aur Shanaya ko bahot fikar hua aur boli;
“Sunon nahin please eisa kuch mat karna……. kaayar log khud ko maarte hein tumhari sazaa main sunaati hoon sun rahe ho tum hello!! Hello!!!!”
Samir ne apne hath mein apna revolver le liya tha aur trigger par ungli rakh diya tha woh josh aur ghusse ke saath pachtaawe ka bhi shikaar tha uss waqt aur kuch bhi kar sakta tha…… magar jab Shanaya ki baat sunni to kaha,
“Han sun raha hoon bolo kia sazaa sunati ho tum mujhe kuch bhi manzoor hoga bolo….”
Shanaya boli; “Tumko vachan dena hoga ke tum wohi karogi jo main kehne jaa rahi hoon pehle vachan do aur vachan ka paalan karoge yeh bhi bolo abhi ke abhi!”
Uss waqt Samir ko eisa laga ke Unit mein jeise Vacchchan dene ko superiors kehte hein weise hi koyi aur vachan dene jaa raha hai aur jawaaab diya ke han vachan ka paalan karega….
To Shanaya ne rote hue kaha;
“Tumhari sazaa yeh hai ke tum zinda raho aur zindagi bhar iss pachtaawe ki aag mein jalte raho, apne aap ko koste raho, jo kiya tumne mere saath usski aag mein jhulasste raho, mere dard ka tumko koyi ehsaas nahin mujhpar kia guzri hai yeh tumko pata nahin main keise iss bojh ke saath jiyungi tumko isske bare mein koyi ilm nahin; tumne mere aatma ko rawnda hai; meri rooh ko ghaayal kiya hai to tum khud eise hi zindagi bhar pachtaate raho yehi tumhari sazaa hai jo main deti hoon….. aur tumne vachan diya hai isska paalan karne ki to karo aur bhugto ab!! Aur agar tumne khud khushi kiya to dunya ka sabse bada kaayar kehlaoge samjhe tum??! Hello!!”
Ek lambi sanns lete hue Samir ne kaha, “Thik hai, thik hai zinda rahunga aur sahunga …sehte hi to aya hoon bahot kuch yeh ek aur sahi… seh lunga aur han main bhi vachan ka paalan karta hoon tum fikar mat karo main kaayar nahin hoon…. Shayad tum ne reply nahin kiya hotaa to main kuch kar baithta, magar ab nahin karunga koyi paagalpan…… be fikr raho tum…..”
Aur Shanaaya ne apne behte ensoo ponchte hue dhire se kaha;
“Meri mummy jaag gayi hai main aur baat nahin kar sakti ab rakhti hoon aur ab mujhko phone mat karna tum; mera tumse koyi vaasta nahin hai!”
Samir ne kaha, “Ruko ruko sunon, apna naam batati jao please…. Aur kitne din kaam par nahin jaogi? Aur yeh to nahin bataya tumne ke keisi ho? Raat keisi guzri?”
Shanaya ki enkhen bhar aayi ke woh usske bare mein fikarmand bhi tha, magar dil ko mazbut karte hue Shanaya ne kaha;
“tumko kuch mere bare mein jaanne ki koyi zaroorat nahin, mera naam bhi jaane ki koyi zaroorat nahin, apna chehra to chhupate ho aur mere bare mein sab jaanna chahte ho kyun? Kia lagti hoon main tumhara? Koyi rishta nahin mera tumhare saath….” Aur Shanaya ne alfaaz puri nahin kiya ruk gayi… rishta lavz kehkar khud ek soch mein par gayi ke usske saath kyun eisa laga tha ke koyi rishta hai usska rape se pehle……
Samir bola; “Magar tumne kaha tha ke mere saath iss liye aayi thi ke tumko laga tha ke mujhse koyi rishta hai, ab keh rahi ho ke koyi rishta nahin mere saath…..”
Shanaya ne jawaab yeh diya;
“Han main ne kaha tha, magar yeh bhi kaha tha ke agar koyi apna kissi ke saath woh kare jo tumne mere saath kiya to kia beetta hai kissi par…. Yeh kyun bhool gaye tum? Nafrat lavz kum hai issko describe karne ke liye eise feelings hein!!”
Samir: Nafrat? Thik hai magar mujhe tumse bilkool nafrat nahin…. Pehle tha iss liye ke tum ladki ho magar ab sab badal gaya hai main ab kissi bhi ladki ke bare mein eisa nahin sochunga jeise sochta tha main bahot ghalat tha.. mera dimaagh brasht ho gaya tha shaayad uss waqt jab woh sab kiya…. Main main nahin tha…… main khud ko samajh nahin paa raha hoon…. Okay thik hai agar tumko issi mein khushi milti hai to nafrat hi karte raho mujhse kum se kum nafrat ka rishta to hua nah!”
Shanaya ne koyi jawaab nahin diya iss baat kaa, aur Samir ne kaha, “main aaj tumhare office ke paas aunga dekhne ke tum aa rahi ho ke nahin….” To Shanaya ne kaha, “Nahin aa rahi hoon….. main ne kaha tha nah kal? Do din nahin jaungi…. Mera badan tut raha hai, bahot dard ho raha hai chaaron taraf abhi tak soyi nahin hoon din mein shaayad soungi…magar tumko yeh sab kyun bata rahi hoon main?! Chalo jao main ab rakh rahi hoon!! Fir phone mat karna main off kar rahi hoon!!”
To be continued………………….. (2280 words)
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